Gratitude (and a traveler's advisory)

You have all been so nice to stop by with encouragement and empathy the last two posts. I'm grateful. Truly -- thank you. Your words and your presence here bolstered me for what was a tough week.

Even a newcomer dropped in -- Hi Bogart -- I'm not usually all doom and gloom. Although, you should know that I rarely post anything, so maybe doom and gloom was actually an upgrade from the nothing my poor readers usually receive.

ANYWAY...

My 6-year old has joined the Junior Ski Racer Development Team (which is somehow abbreviated to "Devo") at our local ski hill where there's a run called "Bomber Bowl". The run is so named because awhile back in local history a bomber plane crashed into the hillside during a training run from a nearby airforce base or some such and the remains of the plane are visible still, so a memorial of sorts has been created. Well, the Devo team was taken to the memorial and given the opportunity to see the wing of the plane, etc., and that was that.

So he is telling me the story a day or two later, very excited to have been skiing on the run that is named for the plane that sunk into the ocean and millions of years later was lifted up by a submarine and brought to our ski hill so we could all remember that bombs are dangerous and planes are a scary way to cross the ocean, and skiing is actually a lot safer.

Those of you contemplating a trans-oceanic vacation, please book a skiing cruise rather than a bomber flight.

Grief... and a Birthday

The friend of whom I wrote in the last post passed away last night. I received the message this morning.

It was inevitable of course, and by now we were all expecting it. Strange how it feels again like loss, though everyone agrees we lost her last week, not last night.

Despite that, it IS my daughter's 15th birthday today, and some celebration is irrefutably in order. Strange how celebrating something for which I truly am happy feels inappropriate and insensitive. Equally strange how grieving seems like a betrayal when we're commemorating the day our daughter entered our lives, the happiest day of our lives to that point.

**Sigh.**

Where's that damn Life Instruction book anyway? I obviously need to consult the fine print to learn the proper procedure for today.

Helpless.

Not knowing how to finesse this, nor how to NOT think about it, I've decided just to write it bluntly here. If you are squeamish, it may cause you discomfort. For that, I am sorry.

A healthy woman, younger than I, with whom I'm friends -- our daughters play on the same soccer team -- has lapsed into a coma after her heart inexplicably stopped. It is completely destroyed beyond any repair or replacement even if a donor one were immediately available. They were unable to revive her for over 40 minutes, despite CPR and emergency response, so now she is brain dead, and they are preparing to remove her from life support. She has a husband and two daughters, one 14, one much younger.

I am spinning from this news. My default response is to start cooking and baking and try like hell to find a way to help. But it won't. Nothing does.

And on this self-same day, I've been made aware of another nightmare situation unfolding involving the 5 year-old daughter of a close friend of Mr. Eclectic's. I can imagine only a very few things worse than the situation they're facing. And I am powerless, POWERLESS, to help.

I'm fairly spinning around with helplessness all of a sudden.

I can't really help the family who is living with us as they break into two parts. I mean, nothing helps in a divorce. Not really. All an outsider can do is try to pick up the pieces as best you can and hope they heal eventually. You can't really help the process. Nor can I help my brother kick his cancer in the ass. He's got to do it -- or not -- on his own. I can listen, can care, can love... but when the shoe drops, he's on his own. Nothing any of us can do will help.

Of course I KNOW all this, have known it forever. We all do. We all instinctively know that when tragedy kicks you in the gut and leaves you spinning, there isn't really anything anyone can do except press forward and assist the others around you to do the same. And in doing that, you really are doing all you can do. I KNOW.

I get it. And honestly, those of you who worry? I'm not freaking out, I don't feel like a failure for not being able to help. But by gawd for the moment, I AM spinning with the frustration of knowing that "helping" really IS only "helping." It's all anyone can do, but I wish that weren't so.

2009, you've made your point. You CAN be a big, bad ugly year despite all our "Happy New Year" proclamations to the contrary. So, now that we're prepared to take you seriously, could you please lighten up a bit? Please? Thank you.

Happy New Year! *

I have it on good authority that today -- January 6 -- is actually the start of the new year. I'm inclined to accept this as truth, so you should too.

Which means that none of us should be at work today. Employers, do you hear me? Give your employees today off work so that we can properly celebrate the new New Year! Who's with me?

Anyone?

No?

Well, it's not like I can blame you... I haven't written anything here since Thanksgiving. Yikes. But it's a NEW YEAR NOW, people. I can change. I believe I can do it. Who's with me?

Anyone?

No?

:::sigh:::


Oh well. You're probably right. I probably won't write here anymore than I usually do even if today is a brand spankin new year.

However: I WILL eat cake today. Because I can. So you should too.







* Happy Birthday to Mr. Eclectic and Susie!