It's not you, it's me.

I'm leaving you. I mean it this time. It's not you, really. I just need to get away for awhile.

Don't bother trying to find me. I'm going so far that you can't reach me, even if you have my SSSC* numbers. My little family and I are going backpacking into the wilds of Idaho for the next week, and the only electronics to accompany us are headlamps and cameras. We'll return home the evening of Aug. 2 -- if we decide to return at all -- unless we return home early. I'm making no promises and you're just going to have to learn to live with the uncertainty.

But hey, if you stop by while we're out, would you please water the plants and give the cat some canned food? She gets so sick of kibble... oh, nevermind. The house-sitter will take care of it. Just let me go, okay? Don't make this harder than it already is.



*(super-secret-squirrel-code)

How to make me feel small:

1) Start by being really, REALLY huge:





2) Then, show off at sunset:




3) Next, show off at sunrise:




4) After that, be made of ice:




5) And finally, show me a picture of your relatives so I know that you're not alone:
(look carefully at the larger size, you'll see Mt. Hood as well as Mt. Adams in the distance)





Yep. I believe that'll do it.
I do, in fact, feel small.

At the sidelines of a baseball game:

/Scene: 14 y.o. girl, "B", whose little brother is playing, sits resignedly under the awning, text messaging and taking random photos on her cell phone to assuage boredom; 13 y.o. boy, "A", who also has a younger brother playing, sits resignedly under the awning, text messaging and taking random photos on his cell phone to assuage boredom.

B: HAHAHAHAHA! I just got the funniest picture of you drinking, no SLURPING, your pepsi!! HAHAHAHAHA!

A: Lemmesee. Please?

B: NO! You'll try to delete it.

A: No I won't. I promise. Pinky swear.

B: OK. But you're not going to like it, you look really funny!

A: :::looks at photo, gives a low whistle::: SEXY, can I??!

Entire sideline erupts in laughter.

/end scene

Independence Day

We the people.... naaah, I'm not going to type it out. If you need the words, you can go to your local library. But not today. Because they're closed for Independence Day. Unless you're reading this from somewhere besides the US or one of its territories, in which case, you shouldn't be reading this because YOU SHOULD BE AT WORK! (I see you Canada, and I'm ashamed of your behavioUr.)

As a kid, I believed that the 4th of July fireworks were celebrating my birthday. Frankly, I miss being able to believe it. Because of course as an adult, now I understand that they're really celebrating the consumption of 150 million hotdogs, 200 million beers, and an extra day off work. Not my birthday at all. LOSERS!

Anyway, I just want to encourage any of you reading here who are co-dependent, because this would be a great day to become independent. I mean, they named the day that and everything. If Thomas Jefferson and those guys can get it done 200 years before computers, I think that We, the internet people, can do it better.

Go then. Gain your independence. Or just drink beer and eat hotdogs, whichever.

I'm out... the fireworks are starting and I'm the guest of honor.

It's my birthday! Yay me!!

OK, so I try not to be so narcissistic most of the time, but there's a lot of awesome going on in my world right now, and I think it must be because it's my birthday.

First, TysGirl is getting good news today about TysBaby, that they've wanted and dreamed about forever, and I'm pretty happy about that.

Second, The Collective interviewed me by way of one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world, and it got posted today, along with?? A video of Steve Perry, who is madly in love with me.

Third, I won something I didn't even know there was a contest for, but I can't tell you about it because it's still a secret. But I found out about it just in time for my birthday, which is COOL.

Fourth, I got a "happy birthday" text from The Q first thing, and it made me smile SO HUGE!

Fifth, I just found out I share this awesome birthday with a Twitterer I really like, and other Twitterers have started pouring ice cream on me and stuff. Hard to go wrong with that!

Sixth, (LIKE I NEED TO GO ON?!?!) a real-life friend, even though she doesn't blog, has invited me to go on a bike ride and then to lunch, AND I GET TO GO!!! Which, in my world, is like a minor miracle.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! It's a good day.