I've been thinking...
Here is a post, typed on the spot just before I retire to bed for the night, un-edited on purpose because I'm looking to see if I can say what I think on the fly.
Today has overwhelmed me in so many ways, as many of them do. And I am one of the lucky ones, whatever the hell that means. I think it's supposed to mean that I have a home, reliable transportation, a steady paycheck, a loving and responsible life partner, 3 healthy kids, a dog, and a body that's intact and functioning within normal parameters. All of which is true. Imagine how easy it would be to overwhelm me if any of that were missing!
I wonder sometimes if I've been given all these 'bumpers' because the universe knew I was too fragile or misdirected to make it all the way down the lane without them.
I love reading blogs, the funny ones, outrageous ones, personal ones, parental ones, inspiring ones, intellectual ones,... I rarely meet a blog I just can't stand. But as I read them, I become aware that you people are really out there, living real lives, overcoming real things... things I've never faced, and honestly, don't think I could. And you'd think that would serve to hearten me somewhat -- to reassess and more highly value my relatively easy life. But it doesn't always. Today, it just floods me with the notion that I am soft and pampered, that I haven't really lived, and perhaps the grit that everyone else has is somehow fundamentally lacking in me and I'm just too naive to recognize my cocoon.
Do you have any idea of the courage that roams around on this internet, thinly disguised as bloggers? Go visit the people on my links list over on the sidebar and you will find an eclectic (go figure!) collection of some of the most amazing people I've never met. Well, technically I've met 2 of them/you... Each one of them/you intimidates the hell outta me in one way or another, and I gotta tell ya, I love you for it. I have gained so much respect for people generally as a result of hanging out here. But I'm losing something, too, and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's just my previously higher-than-necessary opinion of my own self, which -- if true -- is good riddance.
Now I'm deliberatly NOT going to read this before pressing publish. I'm going to bed, and in the morning I'll read it again and if it horrifies me, I'll remove it. But for tonight, let's see what uncensored feels like, shall we?
posted by eclectic @ 8:40 PM
23 comments
23 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Please leave it. After reading others' blogs tonight, I think this puts a lot of people's feelings into words.
And before you start "losing" too much of the good stuff, do you know that YOUR words help us get through it sometimes?
They say opposites attract. But the fact remains, they're both still magnets.
I like the uncensored eclectic. I centainly cannot speak for the other people on your list, but I do know that despite the topics of a few recent posts (you know what I'm talking about), I too feel overly pampered and hence a bit guilty for said kvetching of late. I think perhaps you're just better at knowing what to appreciate and what to let slide? I don't think experiencing hardship and grit makes life more "real" and certainly not experiencing them does not mean you haven't really lived yet. It just makes you a very lucky individual, and I can't think of someone more deserving of such a lucky life.
Btw, I like how uncensored eclectic is still grammatically perfect :)
Jim said it best...
I completely agree...it is funny that we live in a society where if things are going relatively well...we wonder why shit has not hit the fan for us yet...or what we would do if it did...
Everyone faces different challenges and some things you write about inspire people in ways that you probably feel inspired as well by reading other blogs :)
Great post!
Don't delete it :)
Bradley
The Egel Nest
Courage? Writing uncensored takes courage, I'll tell you.
Well, I can't tell you, really; I've never tried it. I don't have the courage. I can't even write this comment without editing it over and over. My goal now is to finish this comment without further editing, but since I already cheated just a second ago (not that you would have known), I'll just finish by reminding you that you all intimidate the hell out of me.
Though this may have all sounded foolish, trust me, it is not. I find what I admire most in people are things I have trouble doing myself. And you just did one of those things, expressing yourself so openly.
Your ONLY reason to delete this post is to obliterate my comment in doing so.
Shari, please read my comment on your previous post, and double it.
What Lisabeth said is so true. What wise parents those horrid Sisters had. Most of us have seasons of all going well. Some, longer seasons than others. None of us has a lifetime of that. Part of the honor and privilege of reading the kind of life stories that you talk about here is that, God forbid, should we ever have to face such a thing, we know that someone else has done it, and lived to tell the tale. That has been particularly helpful to me recently.
You have a distinct and beautiful voice in blogworld. I've been meaning to tell you this, all week, but I condensed it into the comment I left on the previous post: when I go to comment on a site, and your comment is the last one there, the end of your comment shows up, but your name and profile pic are too high up in the box. I ALWAYS know it's you. Your warmth, your humor, your intelligence, I can detect a mile away (or thousands of miles away, as the case may be). You're special. You're plum helmet-special. ;)
Isn't it wonderful that we live in a time where communication is so easy? Not that we always know how to express what we feel. Like now, for me. We all create our own life experience and perhaps yours is a lesson on how good it can be.
To me, real blogs give us a chance to present more, or less, of who we are in a way that doesn't always come out of our mouths so well in the spur of the moment. There's nothing wrong with editing to clarify your meaning. But if you can adlib and do just as well, just as you’ve done here, go for it.
We all have our own strenghts, sometimes it just takes longer to find them. You found yours early. I'll venture to say that you've been through things that no one else can imagine going through. The difference is in the how you managed to make it through.
I'm not sure if i'm making any sense at all. Just, I love you!!
Wow, stated with elegance, like always. I know that you would deal with anything that life were to throw at you with that same elegance and grace. I have no doubt about it . . .
Overwhelming days . . . we have our rights to them, for that is life. You hand out love, strength, hope and faith, without batting an eye. Your words show so much about you, who you are. I see beauty, just like everyone else. I can't wait to meet you in person!
OK...well now... that's hardly fair, ganging up on a girl who's asleep!! (Miss Bucky, take that however you will...)
Jim: How can I say no to such a sweet man saying please? You are a joy to me, Jim.
Zuhn: You, my dear, are one of the courageous ones I admire. And the grammar thing I blame on my dad. He was a grammar drill sergeant!
Bradley: Jim will do that -- turn a phrase with just the right spin. Thanks for coming by and saying such nice things.
Lisabeth: UNCLE! I give. Please, please, just don't put with the monster tooth family!! I'll leave the post, I promise!!! I love being an anchor for such a spectacular ship.
Peefer: See, now that just isn't fair. You have blown me away -- I wouldn't delete your comment to save my own life. Thanks.
JDR: You are a beautiful rose, and I love you too. Besides, you are the source of knowledge of all things Australian for me. What would I ever do without you?!
Mrtl: Thank you, oh "She-of-the-Jellybean-Brittle"! Of course, my highest bowling score EVER recorded is like 88 or so, which would be fine if I were golfing...
Susie: I have read, re-read, and then read it again. I am humbled and pleased and giddy. My respect for you knows no bounds, and my affection for you is endless. Thank you for knowing exactly what triggered this post, and for knowing I really AM "helmet-special"!! Love you right back, dearie! P.S., those sisters of ours really were horrid to you, but I love them the more for it. Hey, does this mean we're sisters now too? 'Cause if so, I want to borrow your shoes.
Curtis: Yes -- it is quite wonderful indeed! And what a sweet perspective that is: a lesson on how good it can be. I love that!! Thank you!
Shoshie: I am without sisters in my original family (although I've got a matching set of 3 brothers I once dreamed to sell or trade, maybe say, for a peanut butter sandwich...) So to be your sister is an honor, and also the answer to my childhood prayers. Of course, you have no idea what you're getting yourselves into... I can't hit Lisabeth though - she's carrying my niece/nephew!!
Nikki: Oh dear... there'll be no living with her now that you've said she's right, I'm afraid.
You are one of the people who's courage astounds me! I love you for what you are doing with your experience. God's been receiving lots of thanks lately for you, too!!!!
Bloggy: Nope! Nuthin' wrong with a good edit -- in fact, I live and die by it most of the time. But you're holding out on the smartass remarks here, Buddy, and frankly, I'm a little concerned.
Nikki: And you, my friend, have made me weep. No small task, that. Thank you!!!!!!!!!! ;) M&Ms anyone??
Lawbrat: You make more sense than I do lots of times!!! I love you too, sweetie!
Nina: I can't WAIT! Your inner strength is a beautiful light that shines, sweet lady. Thank you so much for your lovely words.
I like the raw, uncensored Eclectic. I'm glad that you published it. I feel the same way about the people on my links...and that includes you. It's amazing the connections that I've made with people and how close I feel to them. I actually love people that I've never met. They are the friends that I talk to on a daily basis and if they are missing for a couple of days I miss them and I worry about them.
I love, love, love your writing.
Angie
Ok, this comment is probably going to sound really creepy, stalkerish, needy and weak...to bad.
Many moons ago you wrote a post called "Raw". I must have read that entry a hundred times Eclectic. It was a post that stuck with me...throughout the day, throughout the months and I'm guessing it will throughout the years. It was that *powerful* to me.
Here you went and did it again. I wish I was able to convey in words (written or spoken) what you're able to convey. I sometimes wonder if I was able to get out what I'm feeling inside, if perhaps it would make me feel better. Does it help you? Because if it does help you, then I need to figure out how to do it.
Basically here's the gist of it. I'm unhappy. I'm aware of a few reasons for this state of unhappiness but they really aren't BIG things. I'm so fortunate...so fortunate that I feel totally guilty for even being unhappy. I too wonder what I'd do if I truly had hardships to suffer through. Would I completely cave in and crumble? Given how I feel and act right now with nothing really wrong, I believe that I would. That scares the living shit out of me.
You see things around you and say things like "Today, it just floods me with the notion that I am soft and pampered, that I haven't really lived, and perhaps the grit that everyone else has is somehow fundamentally lacking in me and I'm just too naive to recognize my cocoon."
Whereas I just want my bumpers (as you call them) to be bigger and softer. I just want to numb the unhappiness, but I can't seem to figure out how.
You're much more brave and courageous than I am Eclectic and I don't think I could ever respect another human being as much as I respect you.
I didn't hold out, I edited. hehe
Okay....I just have to say that Soozie broke my heart with her comment. I wish I could take all the bad (whatever it is) away for her, for Eclectic....and even for my "in a rut and don't know why or what to do about it" self. I wish I could put my finger on what's bumming me out so much. I think that part of it is just life in general right now, not seeing Shelly nearly enough and the Pacific NW, when is it ever going to stop raining and when will the sun shine again winter blah's.
Thank you Eclectic for touching all of us with this post.....and here's hoping that we all get back to smiling more soon.
(((((HUGS))))))
Angie
Hey, if you and Susie are sisters then you and Bucky and I must be sisters too.
You always write such powerful posts. You're an inspiration. I'm glad you feel you've had an easy life, well easier than some anyway. I hope it always goes well for you.
Angie: Thank you!! It is incredible how a "virtual" community can become so "real." Maybe that velveteen rabbit was onto something, eh?
Sooze: It sounds like we live too far away from each other to me. When is it you're moving up to the Pac. NW???
You are far too generous with your praise! Which is not to say that I don't appreciate it... ;) Check your email!
Bloggy: THAT's what I'm talkin' bout, Smartass!! ;)
Angie: Hugs back to you, and Shelly! By holding each other up, we all survive much more than any one of us could alone. There is a certain strength in numbers, I guess. Glad we're here together.
JDR: How do you know I don't already do that? ;)
Squirl-Bob: Oh, this is the best day of my life!! I just inherited 7, 8, 9, 10 sisters! HA! Now we'll see who outnumbers WHOM with those 3 brothers of mine!!
And it flatters me terribly for you to say that I write well. Thank you very much. Life maybe isn't easy, but I have certainly been spared from a lot of stuff, at least up through now. We'll see what the future holds, eh?
i love the way you write, edited or unedited. im so glad you didn't remove this post eclectic. it was perfect.
thank you for your kind comments over at my blog.
good night
:)
Blogaholic: You are too sweet, Dawn. I meant every word. Thanks for stopping by!
Bloggy: I'm at a loss for what to do today. No football to watch. *evil chuckle*
JDR: How does she do it? ;) Alright, so I'll let you know when we're scheduled to arrive in Perth.
Shoshie, my sister: Send 'em on over! I have a piano, AND I have earplugs, so we're set. And I slept like a baby last night, so I'm ready for the onslaught. However, in fairness I should warn you that I will return the favor soon. Three of them: ranging in age from tantrum-3 to hormonal-12. Time to go see your Auntie Shoshie, darlings. *heh heh*
I think uncensored works for you. Very well put... and gosh no typos or anything. I couldn't get away with that-- Usually even after I publish, I edit and edit...
Anyway, you've put my feelings into words, though I didn't know I felt that way till I read this and I'm like "yeah....that's exactly why I read blogs" You've brought a new awareness to my life. Thanks for that.
Hello E,
I do not comment too often because I do not have much to say but on this on post I do.
One of the things about this post that struck me is the intimidation factor. I feel intimidated everyday by the blog friends I choose to visit, you included, because of how awesome their stuff is. Whether it is from a writing style or their use of vocabulary or from their life and the way they live it. I am amazed everyday by what people put out in the bloggorhood. But I keep visiting because I beleive that I will learn from them. I subscribe to the principle of "surround yourself with the best." and you are one of the best. Look at the company you keep.
Jim,(gumby)Susie (that right there is a compliment in itself), Mrtl is one of the best bloggers I have seen, Bradley Egel is top class, Soozie Q, I think you know her , Bloggerific, I don't know him but I have seen him around and he is a class act, Pack of 2, Zuhn, Twixie...man I am intimidated just reading the people that comment here.
You rock.
I've never been here before. I clicked on the link, though, while I was at swlf...anyway...Hi! Please don't censor yourself...this post is wonderful. Peace.
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